We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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