I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
