Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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