I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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