Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
