So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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