please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
