Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
