Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
