I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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