This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
