i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
