Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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