new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
