Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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