If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
