I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
