Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
