She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm always down for nudity.
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