dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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