1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
