I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
