Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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