I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
