I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You need Xanax blowdarts
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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