Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
