hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
