So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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