you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Green mimosas i think yes
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
