I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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