Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
