i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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