i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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