i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
