Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
