i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
