There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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