Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
