At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
