We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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