Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I smell stomach acid.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
