we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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