We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
