i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
