Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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