i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
