Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Randomize
