my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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