i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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