I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
