I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
