We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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